RON JEREMY

Rainbow Bar and Grill

West Los Angeles, CA

May 5, 2013

Photo credit: Ron Jeremy

I still feel so dirty, but this was bound to happen. I used to see this guy everywhere.

It was Cinco de Mayo and I'd gone to dinner with some friends at the famous Rock n’ Roll landmark, Rainbow Bar and Grill on the Sunset Strip. It was getting late and the dining room's hostess had been replaced by an enormous bouncer who was checking IDs as people filed in. This place was becoming more of a bar than it was a grill so we decided to go.

On our way out I spotted Ron Jeremy, quite possibly the world’s most famous male pornographic actor, walking in. He was followed by a tall, burly guy who I also recognized as Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. These are two respectable entrepreneurs in some circles. They waltzed in with no ID check, but that’s not a surprise. Ron Jeremy has had a 40-year career as an adult film star showing much more than his ID. And, at the time, Dennis and his brothel were regularly featured in an HBO series called Cathouse so the two were pretty easy to identify. Plus, I'd heard Ron was a regular at this place.

My friends continued out the door, but I stopped in my tracks and made a quick U-turn. The guys had barely walked in when a scrappy man with a protruding belly approached them. Excitedly, he lifted up his already unflattering white tank top to reveal his bare, keg-like midriff. It was covered with autographs he'd tattooed onto himself. With enthusiasm, he pointed at one signature in particular that I imagine must’ve belonged to one of the guys. Ron and Dennis were not interested. They glanced over but kept walking ahead to a table where three young blonde girls were waiting.

Unfortunately for me, that table was the one closest to the door so I didn't have much time to casually saunter in to make my approach look natural. Instead, my camera and I followed only a few steps behind them. When I reached the table I said, "Hi." Dennis was already seated with his arm around a little blonde but Ron turned around and gave me his full attention.

I said, “This is kind of weird but I have this celebrity photo album. it's just a bunch of pictures of me taken by celebrities. Will you take my picture?” Ignoring my question, Ron started right in. "Who are you here with?" he asked. “They left," I said. Free from any competition, he and Dennis started to make their moves. Grooming me, I think, is what the police call it.

Ron, with his misguided sense of self-confidence, put his arm around my waist. When I didn’t mind that, he touched my stomach with his other hand. Then he started to move that hand up to my chest, but I squirmed away from his clutches. He made his first foul comment. Then a second. Then he rounded it off with a few repugnant offers. What had I gotten myself into? I switched back from defense to offense and held out my camera to remind them why I'd come to their table. Dennis reached for the camera and was taking pictures while Ron continued his lecherous advances.

I guess I walked myself into this and I could just as easily walk myself out at any time, but I still wanted him to take my PG-rated photo. The girls at the table were looking at me like, Don’t fight it, Honey. Just let them do what they want. It won’t last long. Dennis lost interest when he saw I didn’t want to play the naked game. Ron, on the other hand, was still trying very hard—living up to the title of his memoir The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz.

He just might be the most accomplished movie star I’ve ever met. He has performed in over 2,000 movies and holds the Guinness Book World Record for Most Appearances in Adult Films.

So gross. If you don't already know about him, consider yourself lucky.

He proceeded with this one-sided conversation for several minutes, making rude observations and inappropriate bids until finally, he was ready to accommodate me with some pictures. He held up the camera to frame the shot. "Here--stand by the fireplace. I'm gonna get artsy." How romantic. He took the photo at an angle and then reviewed the shot. "Hey where'd the fire go?" he asked himself. Unsatisfied, he set up another picture. "Okay, sit right here," he pointed to the hearth. "This will be good." I had been with them much longer than I had intended. He took my picture as I sat in front of the fire then I immediately got my camera, thanked them for the photos, and high-tailed it out of there.

As you can tell by my facial expression, it was a lot of work being so tolerant. But because I was able to go home and quickly take a shower to wash off Ron's cooties, I think it was worth it for the entries I got.

I certainly wouldn't talk to him again and not many people may as he was indicted years later on 34 sexual assault charges; it was proven that he committed salacious acts over 16 years, with many of those cases occurring right where we were that night, in the Rainbow Bar and Grill.

Once I was a safe distance away, I reminisced about happier times. The last and most memorable interaction I had with Ron Jeremy was at a Friars Club Lifetime Achievement Award ceremony honoring Hugh Hefner. There were playmates and porn stars everywhere at that party, but amidst it all, I was having a wholesome conversation with "Weird Al" Yankovic talking about green rolling hills and higher education. That's when Ron walked up and introduced himself to Al saying he'd always wanted to meet him. Al smiled graciously and he politely introduced us, "Ron, meet Rebecca. Rebecca, Ron." We said hello and stood three in a group, as equals; it was a threesome of sorts with Ron Jeremy, Weird Al, and me. I may be the only person in this world fortunate enough to claim that experience.

After a few minutes of conversation, a male admirer interrupted and asked if he could get a picture of them. They said sure and Weird Al pulled me into the photo. We posed, the guy thanked us, and left with his treasure.

So, somewhere in this world exists a photo of Ron Jeremy, Weird Al, and me. Oh, how I’d love to see that. If anyone out there knows someone who knows the guy with that photo please tell him to contact me. Without question, I would frame that photo and proudly hang it on the wall in my living room.

And so concludes my final experience with Ron Jeremy. I know this is kid-stuff compared to at least 34 other women's experiences but I am happy it’s over. Girls can now breathe a sigh of relief as it is unlikely that the self-proclaimed King of Porn will ever be able to harass another at this historic hot spot.

Photo credit: Ron Jeremy